Enthusiasm

Victor,
Good news! I’m using your “Perfect Playlist” today at 5. Hope you get a chance to tune in for it!
Gustav

I’m making sure to leave the office a little early so I catch all of my perfect playlist on my ride home. I’m rather excited to hear it, especially “These Things” from She Wants Revenge played on the air. All they have been playing is “Tear You Apart” which granted is a great song, but that band is so much more than just that song.

On a side note, I introduced myself to someone very interesting on MySpace last night and have had a couple of conversations back and forth. She seems like someone I would like to get to know better and enjoy some stimulating conversations at Starbucks.

Today in response to seeing Obsidian back to 40 players online, I decided to hold a new kind of Monster Bash which I’ve been wanting to try for a while. Here are some screenshots from the event. I’m grateful we have some really great players in the game right now. There wasn’t a single instance of looting or PK’ing at the event, it was just a lot of people having fun and mass killing stuff. It was a great chance for me to test Sean’s new client stability code and test the stability of the new server and its internet connection. Good times.

Today we successfully imported the 23 Entities, 53 Buildings, and 814 units into the live Elliot MRI database. Even though it seemed like a bittersweet success (because we wanted to import more than we did), we at least have learned the database quite extensively. The leases, reoccurring charges, and the master set of codes will end up being all entered manually because we want to enter it right instead of importing data that’s half complete in the old database. Still a success none the less.

I now have an apparently very common case of stretch marks that weight lifters who gain muscle too fast commonly receive. Where my bi-ceps meet my arm pits I have really unattractive (but repairable) stretch marks. I thought I was going insane when I thought I was gaining muscle quickly, but the skin doesn’t lie. My arms are probably in the finest shape in my life and starting to match the muscle I have on my legs. I need to make sure to take vitamins to prevent this from happening further and maybe get some stretch mark creme (Vitamin E and junk) to help heal the stretch marks that have developed. Regardless it is good news that I’m getting it done and accomplishing my goals with stride. Now I just need my mid-section to catch up to the rest of my body.

So after hanging out with Sean today and getting the last bits of Obsidian fixed up, we headed downtown to McFadden’s to have an evening of good times. We got in early so there was no cover, but once in Sean got himself invited to one of the VIP parties that were going on there that evening. This meant really cheap bar food and cheap drinks. Yes I did drink and did so conservatively. I made sure to keep it simple and after 2 drinks I had diet cokes for the rest of the evening.

One we were done with dinner as usual I was reluctant to talk to anyone. My social programming kicked in and I locked down… AT FIRST. I made an agreement with Sean to keep me from going onto the dance flood which is my “safe place”, the place where I feel comfortable because I know I can dance and I know there I can meet women at least dance with them. Instead I focused on talking to as many people as possible that night. I talked to so many guys, girls, groups of guys, groups of girls, and groups of guys and girls. I even met this guy from Seattle and wing-maned for him with these 2 girls, one that was cuter and one that was kinda older. A good time was had by all and I really had 3 huge “ah ha!”s as David D. puts it, that I really can talk to random people, random people find me interesting , and I can spark up interesting conversations with random people on the fly. It was amazing and the best part is that I was doing all this with out any serious influence of alcohol. I was making it happen. I was making a good night for myself happen. I was the social butterfly in that club that made several people’s evenings. I was successful.

After going out drinking with the office after work we bounced between 3 different bars and back to the office for the most drinking I’ve ever done in a very short period of time. I got so drunk that I guess my blood pressure spiked and I busted my blood capillaries around my eyes (have little red spots above and below my eyes) and puked my guts out at the height of the drunken stupor. I’ve never puked before and that bar FAR was the drunkest and will forever be the drunkest I’ll ever get in my life. Getting together with Sean tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll have a good evening w/o the need to drink because trust me when I say I’m not having alcohol for a while. Blarg…

Why thank you, yes!

After my fantastic haircut at HairM yesterday, I’ve been feeling pretty good. It was an amazing hair cut, great trim on my mustache and goatee, and fantastic scalp/face massage. I’m ready for the weekend and brought in a bottle of Bailey’s today. I felt that we had a really stressful week and needed to begin celebrating what we’ve gotten done. This weekend is starting off on a good start . Oh and Happy Friday the 13th!!!

I’m very impressed at the progress I’ve made recently. It’s amazing once you start to really truly analyze yourself, you break down the mental programming, realizing it’s false, and re-frame yourself. Once that process starts it’s almost like a snow ball effect. You start to see the impact in your life that the re-framing makes and then it just re-affirms what you’ve been saying to yourself and makes it more and more profound. Within the last 2 days I’ve had 5 random conversations with women in passing without even trying, it just came so naturally I didn’t even realize “hey I’m talking to a women naturally and she’s smiling and flirting with me” till after I had walked away. I’m proud of my progress, I’m finally not only getting it, but really on a deep subconscious level getting it to the point I’m getting unconscious competent results.

Let me share with you some of my recent studies into male psychology and my analysis of my own social programming. There are 4 combinations of being Dominant or Submissive plus a Lover or Provider. This chart below kind of explains it in a nutshell and for me this was quite profound. [PDF]

I believe all my life (how 90% of the average American male who were raised primarily by their mother) I was raised to be a good provider and how to strive for long-term relationships by “treating a lady”. This upbringing (no offense to my mom if she reads this, she had the best intentions) creates a Submissive Provider mentality which is your average “Nice Guy” or “Ass Kisser”. I think I was programmed to be a “Nice Guy”.

My goal: Dominant Lover. I control the cards. I make the rules, I do the choosing of what women I want to be with. I hold the power and don’t give power to women. I focus on myself and do what I want to do and if women fall in line with MY reality, then so be it. I am an exciting person to be with. I am a social person. I am a natural PEOPLE magnet both men and women alike.

All this said I believe there is the possible for 2 truly dominant people to have a very very healthy relationship. Honestly in my mind after doing a lot of thinking I think it is the healthiest of relationships. Both people independent and dominant never giving each other direct power, but at the same time coming to agreements to things while maintaining a balance of attraction vs dominance vs difference of opinions. The best analogy for this is 2 magnets of equal polarity moving apart from each other but a rubber band holding them together. I guess the polar opposite to this kind of relationship would be two submissive people leeching off each other’s energies. There’s a term for that kind of relationship that I can’t think of right now. I tried explaining this to my friend Josh at lunch and my friend Kerrie at dinner and they just didn’t get it. *sigh* At least it all makes sense in my head.

Projection is the act of projecting one’s on personal believes and social misconceptions onto others. I think this is my giant overall problem with not only meeting women but with being the social animal I want to be. I believe that if I’m by myself I don’t like to be bothered, I don’t like strangers talking to me, I want to be alone if I am. I project these beliefs onto others and because of this I feel uncomfortable talking to random strangers. There is also the old social programming of your parents to “not speak to strangers” that as an adult you have to battle that ancient social programming instilled into you. I need to work on this aspect of myself before I think I’ll ever truly “get it” and have a chance meeting and dating women who “get it”.