Dec 18 2008

“You think a lot”

Published by at 6:48 pm
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Someone recently told me “You think a lot” and it got me a bit spun out. But in the end it was emotionally productive.

 

Yes I think a lot.

 

I’ll think about a comment like “you think a lot” for days.

 

I haven’t gotten the “you come across as cocky” out of my head since someone brought it up the first time. In fact it keeps coming up and back into the front of my mind even more. I’ve talked to so many people I know about this because I’m concerned about it.

 

Wanna talk to a guy about how much I THINK about things and think through them? Talk to Victor Hermenze, lol.

 

That’s why sometimes I’ll laugh or get spun out about a comment somone might make in giving me feedback because immediately I’ll start to think and internalize. Sometimes being self critical, but not because I take people’s comments ill received, but because I take them seriously.

 

And you know… I’d like to clarify the difference between me taking something said seriously and my feelings getting hurt. I really don’t get my feelings hurt very easily. In fact the only way to really hurt my feelings is if I feel I’ve been disrespected. FYI, there are very few people who have ever in my opinion disresected me, and I generally make them know. So if know me and you feel you’ve ever hurt my feelings, that’s not the case, I just might take feedback and immediately start thinking about it deeply which might come across as me having my feelings hurt.

 

I guess, I’ve always been a social, emotional animal. It’s why I was beat up in school. It’s why I think I was shunned as a kid. Wanna talk about Spock complex, well my calculus didn’t hurt me, so I found comfort in logic. It’s why I got into programming because in my teens I hated working with people and just wanted to work with computers. I always cared about people’s perceptions of me and in doing so I go the extra mile to make sure people perceive me correctly. For a long time I tried to just say “don’t care about what others think” and then tried to shut down those feelings and become all logical. But I’ve at some point, maybe when I started taking up leadership tasks in my personal life, that my social and emotional side has come out and I’m captain enthusiasm as you see me today. As a result, yeah you know I do care about what others think of me and how others perceive me and that’s ok. Heck the DiSC training helped me realize and accept that about myself which is why I was so spun out about it. By the way, I was classified as an iDCS, way off from what I classified myself as.

 

I’d like to clarify that the Victor of today is not the Victor of 3 years ago. After my divorce, I went through a long and very crazy re-inventing of myself. I gained a lot of confidence in myself, was less of a pushover, and took control of my life, direction, and really that’s when some of my leadership skills were blossoming at the same time. So really a lot of the self analysis I do of myself is because I still don’t know how I tick right now. I’ve changed a lot over the last 3 years and I’m still getting used to some things and how I act and how I’m perceived. Hell I’m told that sometimes my eyebrows come across as intimidating and I am not aware of the perception give off by my facial expressions and body language. Noodle on that one for about 2 months when your girlfriend tells you that.

 

Some people who don’t know me too well ask what I do in my spare time? I think.

 

Or I do activities which allow me to SHUT OFF my thinking. For me whether it’s thinking about myself, thinking about the project that I’m focused on, thinking about the vision of where things are going, thinking thinking thinking. It doesn’t stop. Generally it doesn’t even stop in my sleep. I’ve many times woken up in the middle of the night thinking about a problem I’m trying to solve. So yeah I think a lot because I’m highly self critical, self analytical, and comments about my communication style which translate to my leadership style inevitably translate to not only work, but the leadership I do in my personal life.

 

So yeah… I  think. A lot. And that’s an understatement.

 

Many times I think on something because I want to do it the best I ever can. I want to do something in a way no one else ever has. To be the best and… ok now I’m just rambling. Really. Get it off your chest yet? Yeah ok, that’s way too much sharing at this point. Ok done now.

 

Well… back to taking finals!

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Jan 24 2007

Computer Woes

Published by at 8:53 pm
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Why oh why does my video card have to die now? Of all times for my video card to go out on me it has to be this coming weekend. We’ve spent almost 2 weeks now gearing up in Burning Crusade and I wanted to go back and annihilate some older 60 raid instances for the fun of it and fill in my spots on my kill page.

Well at least EVGA has awesome tech support and has already pre-approved an RMA based on a 5 minute phone call. I have to give them props, it’s the best, easiest, replacement I’ve ever received on a piece of hardware. I just hope that I’ll get my new card relatively soon. :-/

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Sep 28 2006

80gig iPod

Published by at 10:26 am
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Finally broke down and got an 80 gig iPod. What’s great is the old 30 gigs used to be 299 and the 60 gigs were 399. Now the new 80 gigs are 330. I went ahead and jumped on it and bought one. So now I’m totally into getting my music together now and listening to podcasts again which is totally awesome.

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Jul 04 2006

You have a new friend request…

Published by at 9:38 am
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FROM TOYOTA PRIUS!!! http://www.myspace.com/toyotaprius

Can I just say WEEEeeee! I love my car and it’s just cool meeting other who love their Prius too. I mean it’s a fantastic marvel of technology, it’s great to drive, it’s got the great gas mileage, but even if it didn’t I’d still choose it as car of choice. I mean where else can you get a giant ON button? So suffice to say I accepted the friend request and I’m even thinking of throwing it on my Top8.

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Jun 26 2006

iPod Nano

Published by at 5:55 pm
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to be entered

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May 01 2006

National Protest Day?!?

Published by at 3:00 pm
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Who decided that Beltane was national protest day? I know it wasn’t some jackass Republican because they never protest. Regardless of whether I support some of the protests (some I do and some I don’t), I always respect people’s RIGHT to protest. But shit man, does it have to be on my holiday? If white people protested on May 5th, Hispanic America would riot. No one has any respect for pagan holidays and that just sucks. Did you know you have to have a sanctioned, police observed permit to put up a May Pole? WTF?!? So today I say POOO POOO to those protesting who are ruining the spirit of the holiday for us pagans.

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Apr 28 2006

Cocktail Mix @ 6

Published by at 6:33 pm
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Tonight went down to listen to the Cocktail Mix at 6 hosted live at Bettie Ford’s. Gustav of course was there and said hi to him, chatted a bit, and sat back to enjoy the live tunes created live on the spot by DJ Suffix. The crowd was a little weak, the drinks sucked (which is not normal for Bettie Ford’s), but overall it was still great. The crowd was an odd mix of older after work types who I wouldn’t usually classify as people who listen to that style of electronica. I said goodbye to Gustav on the way out, got a 94.7 water bottle, and Gustav gave me a headsup to lookout for the next SWR concert which is slated for June 28th.

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Apr 19 2006

Financial Planning

Published by at 7:17 pm
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So for 375 ($500 -$100 Costco discount -$25 gift certificate) I am going to have Emeriprise financial completely work out an entire financial plan for me getting my house. They are going to evaluate my expenses, how I’m saving money, where I should be saving it, and how I van get into that house as quickly as possible and what kind of options I have for getting there. They will check my credit, evaluate when I should pay or my car or whether I have to or what. I’m so excited about this and looking forward to seeing good or bad what it’s going to take.

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Apr 15 2006

Tax Day

Published by at 2:03 pm
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I think it’s completely bullshit that because I don’t itemize my deductions I basically get jack shit for buying a Hybrid this year. I mean seriously if I itemized my deductions it was 3450 deduction for purchasing a new Hybrid. But because I’m a middle class single guy who doesn’t own a house and I really don’t have much to itemize I get screwed. All things aside though I did end up paying less in taxes than I thought I was going to have to. I ended up paying 216 or so in taxes when I thought I was going to owe near to 800.

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Apr 13 2006

Emeriprise

Published by at 1:46 pm
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So you know those “put your card in here and win a free lunch” fish bowls at restaurants? Well today I took myself and 7 other of my co-workers to lunch at Henry’s with a little catch. We had to listen to a short presentation from Mark of Emeriprise Financial planners. I really liked what he had to say and I think that I might just pursue their services to help me plan toward getting my house. I know I could get Dad to do it, but if I do it with these guys, I dunno I think I might have a greater chance of sticking to it. I mean paid advice you have a tendency to follow because well you paid for it. Free advice you more easily toss aside or don’t follow as regimently.

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