Enthusiasm

Projection is the act of projecting one’s on personal believes and social misconceptions onto others. I think this is my giant overall problem with not only meeting women but with being the social animal I want to be. I believe that if I’m by myself I don’t like to be bothered, I don’t like strangers talking to me, I want to be alone if I am. I project these beliefs onto others and because of this I feel uncomfortable talking to random strangers. There is also the old social programming of your parents to “not speak to strangers” that as an adult you have to battle that ancient social programming instilled into you. I need to work on this aspect of myself before I think I’ll ever truly “get it” and have a chance meeting and dating women who “get it”.

Today’s Fortune: You are expressive and positive in words, act and feeling.

What that means in the grand cosmic scheme of things, I really don’t care. What I do care about is that She Wants Revenge is comping to Portland in March as one of the last stops on their tour. I can’t friggin wait and you damn sure well know I’m going to be there. They are on my friends list on MySpace so I’ll know when tickets go on sale. Hell I knew about their tour schedule within 10 minutes of it being posted.

I’d like to share a little bit of music I heard the other day and I can’t stop listening to it: She Wants Revenge – Tear You Apart. I’ve shared this music with several people and they all agree that it is the most amazing, sexual, primal song they’ve heard in a long time. P.S. You can get the radio version for FREE on iTunes.

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Tear You Apart

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait nevermind

Late night, and passing, mention it flipped her
Best friend, who knows saying maybe it slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to light
When she walked in, he throws up, believe its the fright

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It’s only just a crush, it’ll go away
It’s just like all the others it’ll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don’t know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he’d passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause theres always repercussions when you’re dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

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Now that you have an idea of my emotional state based on my current music let me tell you what I’ve been thinking recently… women of course have been on my mind. Specifically I’ve been thinking about what I like and don’t like about women. What really is my type? What am I looking for in a woman? What do I see in my women friends that I like, what do I see that I don’t like?

So in the spirit of the new year I’m going to take the advice of a dating guru. He says that to truly be successful with women you have to give up something. Something that is probably holding you back. With me I think it’s that I really truly need to stop caring what women think. A small example was 2 women recently told me I need to stop saying “Good times”. Which recently I’ve been really positive and saying “Good times” when I’ve been happy. Well why should I stop because it bugs someone? I should be happy I’m being so positive. I didn’t care what people thought on new years and I got the biggest success with a woman I have EVER. I was on the ball, the life of the party, I made sure all my friends were having a good time, and in the end I kissed a hot little brunette and got her phone number. I’m not one who can usually just get phone numbers like that but things just clicked and I made happen what I wanted to happen.

To bring this journal post back full circle. I’m going to use this song “Tear you apart” as my anthem for taking what I want. If I find a women I find attractive, I’m going to go for it, not pussy around, and tear her apart. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection? Who cares right? I’m here for results. So I’m going to be positive and take what I want and if they don’t want me, at least I tried.

So making a long story short, due to events over the last few days I’m back into my bitter, hating women stage again. I’m even more bitter than I was before because it’s like these events are just re-affirming my opinions of women and how the bullshit games that happen are just plain silly and a waste of time and energy. It’s no one woman’s fault (hell I partially blame myself for letting one particular woman get to me and fuck with my head), the women in my life I still think are great friends, but that doesn’t make me any less bitter about the female species.

Today was a crazy driving tip after another. First this morning I had to take my parents to the airport to fly to Miami for the funeral under the affect of 30mph wind gusts. Then after the Dolphins won, I had an errand I needed to run out and do before starting on my homework this weekend and ended up getting caught out in the snowy roads for several hours. I finished my errand which turned into 2 errands, but the majority of the rest of my day was comprised of a lot of crazy, scary driving on a layer of ice and snow which I’m going to have to do more of that tomorrow morning as well. When I finally got home spent the rest of the evening fixing my laptop’s issues and working on the Meriwether proposal website.

I’ve come to the realization that to find the women I’m truly going to be attracted to, be interested in talking with, and overall women that I want… I need to go to more sophisticated locations like piano bars, martini bars, and places like Aura where there’s a higher class of women looking for higher class of men. At least there I’m in my element and I know I can control the room.

Dolphins won today 24 to 23 vs the Bills to put them 2nd in their division at 5-7 and pushing Bills to 4-8. I’m so happy to see them perform well especially with the amount of great players injured already at this point in the season. We’ll have to see how next week goes but overall it was a fabulous game.

The meeting went well and after work today spent a little while doing some Christmas shopping and for the first time saw an OMNIMax film presentation. The film was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and though it was very disorienting at first, overall it was amazing especially the Dragon scene. Earlier in the day had Mahi Mahi for the first time in quite a while at Henry’s Tavern. It had a mango hoisen glaze on it with jasmin rice which was quite equisite. Overall I had a very fun, relaxed evening. No clubbing tonight because I’m still tired since I didn’t get much sleep again.